Breaking a Pattern That’s Holding You Back

 Four Criteria that Will Help:

When you’re ready to make a change in your life, to break a lifelong pattern that is holding you back, one necessary ingredient you’ll need is a solid, rational reason for that change. Your desire to break any ingrained habit needs to be paired with a solid reasoning process that registers with you and helps counteract the hidden benefits of staying stuck. Ask yourself: Can I create a rational reason to change?
Here are four criteria for building a rationale that will help you turn your life around:


Criterion #1: It Must Make Sense
Changing old habits cannot and will not happen if it doesn’t strike you as a sensible thing to do. It doesn’t really matter that everyone you know tells you how important it is to change—if it doesn’t make sense to you, then you’ll retreat to your old ways. If the answer to Do I really want to bring about this change? is yes, then that’s all you need in order to proceed and succeed. But if you have any doubts whatsoever, you’ll revert back to your long-held habits.
For example, when I was in my 30s, I made the decision that I was no longer going to continue the unhealthy habits that had dominated my life up until that point. I could see myself gaining weight around the middle, eating and drinking things that weren’t good for me, and generally not paying the proper attention to the well-being of this temple that temporarily houses my soul.
One day in 1976, I began a regimen that included exercise, drinking lots of water, taking supplements, and improving my diet. Although no one around me fully understood my drive to stay in shape, it made sense to me. Whenever anyone has told me over the years that they just don’t understand why I’m so “compulsive” about my health habits, I always think: If I didn’t have a healthy body, I wouldn’t have anywhere to live. Because my lifestyle makes sense to me, I’m immune to others’ questioning and I’m never tempted to reverse my decision to live as healthful an existence as I possibly can.

Criterion #2: It Must Be Doable
Within you is a private space where “no visitors are allowed.” This is where you meet yourself in total honesty, where you know what you’re willing to dream, desire, and ultimately do. It’s also where you find your answer to this question: Am I willing and able to do what it takes to overcome these long-held habits of thought and action?
If the answer is that you just can’t make a change—you know yourself well enough to predict that you won’t do the work that’s necessary to accomplish it—then you’re wise to heed that response. Forget about changing those old habits, at least for now. However, if you don’t know how you’ll do it but you still feel that it’s doable, then proceed. You’ll find the answers coming to you because of your willingness to view these changes as a real possibility.

Criterion #3: It Must Allow You to Feel Good
Your left brain deals with the details of your life—this is where you analyze, compute, figure, and get all of your ducks in a row—and the first two criteria detailed above speak right to it. When you ask yourself the question Can I create a rational reason to change? your intellect responds: Yes, indeed, that does make sense, and I really believe that I can do this thing and bring about the desired changes.
Your right brain on the other hand, deals with things like your emotions, your intuition, your enthusiasm, your awareness and even your consciousness. So let’s examine the creation of a rational reason to change from the right brain’s point of view and discover how this change feels.
When I did this exercise in connection with the possibility of having my own daily TV program, I didn’t feel good at all. I felt tense, rushed, tight in my stomach, and nervous about all of the time I’d have to devote to the show. I actually began to feel sick, and that was enough for me. My emotions, which show up in my body as a result of my thoughts, were giving me the answer. Contrast this with what happened when I visualized how I’d feel after taking up the movie/acting challenge: I felt dizzy with excitement about learning a completely new craft—not to mention strong, content, and proud. My emotions actually empowered me.
If you want to shed old habits and excuses, take some time to visit that private place within you. 

Close your eyes and visualize yourself as being completely free of these limitations . . . how does your body react? If you feel good, that’s all the evidence you need to prove to yourself that you have a rational reason to change.

Criterion #4: It Must Be Aligned with the Callings of Your Soul

How do you determine that you’re aligned with your soul’s purpose? You know by the way the rational reason speaks directly to you in that personal place within. The thoughts and feelings that surface tend to go like this: This is truly who I am. By making these changes and eradicating these habits, I will be living my life on purpose, fulfilling a destiny I came here to accomplish.


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Steps to Living In Spirit


We’re All in This Together:

Every human encounter represents a moment of truth, one in which you can choose to be reconnected to Spirit and offer to others what you genuinely want for yourself. The opportunities present themselves in the form of a smile or a greeting or an extension of kindness, even if it’s just a silent blessing to a person begging on a street corner or a prayer said quietly when you hear a siren. (The siren is a reminder to offer thoughts of comfort to whomever is in need of assistance.)

Countless opportunities arise each day to reach into the lives of others in an inspiring way. 

We can act on these impulses and feel inspired, or we can ignore them and stay in our ego-dominated world. I choose to act because it makes me feel creatively alive, connected to good (God) and to everyone else in the world.

Taking action is how we increase our connectedness to Spirit. If we’re heeding our true calling, we must be willing to act on that mission. Try the following action steps for a few weeks and see if you don’t feel more inspired than you’ve ever felt before.

Strategies for Taking Inspired Action

1. Before beginning your day, spend a few moments with God during the early morning. When you awaken, remind yourself, “These are my few moments with God.” During those precious seconds, ask, reflect, feel the peace, and most important, extend your gratitude. I end my few moments with God every morning with this: “Thank You, thank You, thank You!”

2. As you begin your day, decide on something to do that will improve the quality of life for someone, without seeking any credit for yourself. (If you can do it before breakfast, great!) A letter, some flowers, a contribution, an unexpected plan to visit someone later in the day—do anything at all that will make someone else feel good.

3. Overcome your inertia. Since to be inert is to be without action, agree to become a being of movement: Plan to exercise, make that call you’ve been avoiding, or write that letter. Just as the key to Spirit is movement, the key to health is circulation. Spirit is always in a state of creation, so commit to less lying or sitting around and more movement.

4. Listen to your inner voice and promise that you’ll take corrective action. For example, if you’ve been addicted to alcohol or drugs, overeating, or being a doormat, listen to that inner voice that begs you to be big rather than small, and take one corrective step. Just for today, throw the cigarettes away, pass on the sweets, walk around the block, or stand up for yourself. That inner voice is God pleading with you to rejoin Him in-Spirit by being pure, strong, and an instrument of well-being.

5. Accept no excuses: Stop with the BS and be truthful with yourself, admit your flaws rather than defending them, and look in the mirror and talk to yourself honestly. Affirm: I am a creation of God, and I am Divine. I’ve forgotten this, but now I’m not accepting excuses. I’m going to stop fooling myself and work at being all that I was destined to be.

6. Experience the apprehension and do it anyway! It’s the doing that brings you in tune with Spirit, so don’t let fear stop you. Allow the panic to come, and then move in the direction of facing it. Visualize the fear right in front of you. Stare it down and tell it how you truly feel and what you intend to become: “I’m stronger than you. I have my Creator here with me as a Senior Consultant, so I’m no longer willing to allow you to have dominance in my life. I’m scared, but I’m also taking action.”

7. Finally, don’t ever quit. Never give up on yourself or feel shame as a result of not fulfilling your objectives to reconnect to your Divine nature. Every fall that you take is a gift, and every relapse is a glorious opportunity—after all, without them you can’t manifest the energy to get to a higher place.

These strategies for taking inspired action will work even if they’re just adopted one day at a time. Begin your reconnection to Spirit (and to everyone else in the world) today. Living with inspiration calls for compassionate action toward others and yourself.

–Dr. Wayne W. Dyer 
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Why We Need One Another

When you meet anyone, treat the event as a holy encounter. It’s through others that we either find or learn to love our true self. When you see only beauty and worthiness in others, you’ll have the same returned to you. Nothing is accomplished without others. A Course in Miracles says this so well:

Alone we can do nothing but together our minds fuse into something whose power is far beyond the power of its separate parts. 

The kingdom cannot be found alone and you who are the kingdom cannot find yourself alone. When you eliminate the concept of separation from your thoughts and your behavior, you begin to feel your connection to everything and everyone. You’ll begin having a sense of belonging, which enables you to scoff at any thought of being separate. This feeling of connectedness originates with and helps you process all of your interactions from the point of view of equality.

By recognizing others as co-creators, you match up with your Source and move into a state of grace. 

If you’re seeing yourself as either inferior or superior, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. Your desires will be frustrated unless you connect with and support other people. How you interact with your universal support team is significant. How you view others is a projection of how you view yourself.

Consistently seeing others as worthless means that you’re erecting a roadblock for your potential allies. See others as weak and you’re simultaneously attracting weak energies. Persistently viewing others as dishonest, lazy, sinful, and so on may mean that you need to feel superior. Constantly seeing others critically can be a way of compensating for something you fear. But you don’t even need to understand this psychological mechanism. All you have to do is recognize how you view others. If there’s a pattern of seeing others as failures, you only need to notice the pattern as evidence of what you’re attracting into your life.

It’s so important to see interactions as holy encounters, because this sets in motion an attractor energy pattern. 

In a holy relationship, you attract the collaboration of higher energies. By bringing higher spiritual energy to everyone you encounter, you dissolve lower, negative energies. When the energies of kindness, love, receptivity and abundance are present in your relationships, you have brought the elixir of spiritual Creation or the love of the Creator right into the mix.

Now those forces begin to work on everyone in your environment. The right people magically appear. The right materials show up. The phone rings and someone gives you the information you’ve been wanting for months. Strangers offer suggestions that make sense to you.

These types of coincidences are like mathematical angles that coincide, or fit together perfectly. Treat others as co-creators and have divine expectations for them. Don’t view anyone as ordinary, unless of course you wish to have more of the ordinary manifest into your world.

If your expectations for yourself center on being normal, just getting along, fitting in and being an ordinary person, you’ll resonate to ordinary frequencies, and you’ll attract more of normal and ordinary into your life. Furthermore, your impact on others as potential allies in co-creating your intentions will also revolve around ordinary.

The power of intention occurs when you’re synchronized with the all-creating universal force, which is anything but ordinary. 

This is the power that’s responsible for all of creation. It’s ever-expansive, and thinks and creates in terms of endless abundance. When you shift to this higher energy and resonate more in harmony with intention, you become a magnet for attracting more of this energy into your world. You also have this kind of impact on everyone and everything you’re in contact with.


–Dr. Wayne Dyer 
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Life in the Present

Now, Without Judgment:

I’ve discovered that I have greater success with living life in the present moment when I remove judgment from what I’m experiencing. Rather than making an event a bad or a good experience, I find myself being in the “isness” of the moment; that is, what I’m feeling is much more helpful than why it isn’t what I think it should be. This is called allowing rather than resisting what is. Even if I wish to change the moment, it’s far more useful to allow it without any judgment and then notice everything I can about it.

The more I stay out of my good-thought/bad-thought routine, the more I’m able to just be with it. 

I love to observe the instant without any judgment. Birds simply allow whatever comes their way, no matter if the wind picks up or the rain comes, and I work at being like one of those fabulous creatures. The way I do so is to ask myself this question: “What’s happening right here and right now, independent of my opinion about it?” Then I notice all that I can take in—the sky, the wind, the sounds, the light, the insects, the temperature, the people, the judgments…everything. I stay free of opinions and just let myself be. In these moments, I don’t need an excuse or an explanation for anything.

Even while I sit here and write, I’m practicing being present and simply allowing the words to flow though my heart to my hand and onto the page with a total absence of judgment. And when I eat my lunch, I work at just being present in a state of gratitude for my food and the experience of eating, rather than using those moments to think about all that I have to do in the evening or passing judgment on the taste, color, or smell of my lunch experience. I try to keep in mind that whenever I react against any form that life takes in the present moment, I’m treating the now as some kind of impediment or even as my enemy.

As a child you knew how to be totally present. I encourage you to become an observer of little unspoiled children. 

Notice how they don’t react to every little disturbance in their world and how they’re in the moment, and then in the next moment, and so on. You can use this kind of non-judgment to practice your new explanation-free identity. Total immersion in the present, without judging—that is, simply allowing yourself to be—is a great way to rid yourself of these long-held thinking habits that I’m calling “excuses.”

Be without judgment and you’ll never feel the need for some tiresome excuse to use up your precious seconds, such as “I’m too old” or “It will take a long time” or “It will be too difficult.” Instead, you’ll be in the now, welcoming your constant present-moment companion, your Source of being, which knows nothing of excuses and doesn’t know how to be anyplace but here, now. As one of my spiritual predecessors, Dale Carnegie, once wrote: “One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon—instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.”

Become one in the present moment with all of the roses that show up in your life. Stay present: every second, every minute and every hour. Every day of your life is full of present moments of infinite value. You won’t find God yesterday or tomorrow—your Source is always only here, now.

–Dr. Wayne Dyer
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Disengage From Ego Control

Let Your Source Be in Charge:

by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer –

Your life of meaning begins with trusting God. If we’re honest with ourselves, every one of us can agree that we’re acquainted with the ego part that controls and manages our lives and eagerly attempts to do the same for others. Be they family, friends, co-workers or even strangers, ego routinely accepts the job of edging God out and taking on the role of being the master manipulator. 
As we move in a different direction, we realize the pointlessness of attempting to control any individual or any situation. We recognize this need to practice interference as the power trip of our false self.

There was a time in my life for instance, when I needed to be in charge of most social conversations. Having made the shift from control to trust means that I now flow with the conversational direction and opinions that are expressed. I’m content to sit back and observe, even as others take on the false-self role, as I view it. I can smile inwardly at some of my children’s choices in life even when I disagree. The shift from control to trust has increased my noninterference.

Beyond my personal interactions with friends and family, in a much larger sense I trust more and control less. In my heart I know that God writes the books, delivers the speeches and builds the bridges. When trust replaces control, edging God out isn’t appealing. “All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen” may have been Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words but I agree so completely that they could be my own. I absolutely trust the wisdom of the universe and its creative Source.

With trust, we acknowledge our own wisdom. We remember that we came from the same Source and, therefore, must be like what we came from. We can trust Source to guide us, rather than screw things up with ego’s demands for self-recognition and belief in our superiority. 

Trust lets us listen rather than take over. Listening allows us to comfortably sit back, knowing that the creative Source of everything is in charge instead of our puny little ego. Shifting from control to trust is so important for our life work.

In The Shift movie, I relate how I found the road that resonated with the calling of my soul. I did so by listening to what I was feeling deep within me, rather than what my ego was saying to me about how to capitalize on my fame by writing books to make more money. By trusting my inner excitement, I was able to make a big shift in my life, away from writing about psychology to writing about living life from a spiritual orientation. That shift away from the Ambition of ego, which tried to control my writing and speaking career, put me on the path of Meaning.

When you disengage from ego control, what is it that you trust? 

There are three markers to look for on this road. They are: trust in yourself, trust in others and trust in the Source of being. Here’s a brief explanation of each of them:

  • Trust in yourself. This means hearing your soul speak in whatever way it does. Intuition is generally a reliable voice, in whatever form it expresses itself individually. Mahatma Gandhi explained his sense of it: “What is Truth? A difficult question; but I have solved it for myself by saying that it is what the ‘voice within’ tells you.”

  • Trust in others. This means noninterference as much as possible. Everyone has the universe located in him or her; trusting others frees you from feeling obligated to interfere. In the words of Lao-tzu in the Tao Te Ching: “Do you think you can take over the universe and improve it? I do not believe it can be done.”

  • Trust in the Source of being. This means trusting the mystery of creation. The universal Source of all creation, invisible though it may be, guides you just as it guided your development in the womb. When you trust in Divine intelligence, you cooperate and invite the shift to Meaning.


Rewrite Your Agreement with Reality

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Problem Dissolved!

by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer –

Wherever you go, let others experience your glow. One of the most intriguing passages in A Course in Miracles suggests that you don’t have a problem: you only think you do. The opening lines of the Torah, as well as Genesis in the Bible, state, “God created Heaven and Earth,” and later, “And all that God created was good.” If you interpret those words literally, it’s quite clear that problems are impossible. If God created everything and all that God created was good, bad does not exist. “But,” you say, “disease, disharmony, despair, and so on all appear to exist and run rampant in our world.”

When we feel separated from our sacred center, it’s easy to believe so strongly in the separation that we explain any unpleasantness as a problem. In the world of Spirit, or God, problems simply don’t exist and aren’t real. When your spiritual connection is weak, you move away from the world of Spirit, and problems come from your belief in separation. Your mind creates the illusion of separateness, and your body, influenced by your ego thoughts, takes on diseases. Our societies are the creation of our collective thoughts. They take on the same separation-sickness, and then we have what we call social problems. All of the so-called problems, however, represent a spiritual deficit that can be remedied with spiritual solutions. Think of it this way: if you change your mind, you will solve your problems.

Can you accept the idea that it’s your belief in your separation from God that creates the attitude that you label a problem? Can you explore this idea that what you’re calling problems are all simply illusions, or mistakes of your intellect? If God is everywhere, there is no place that God is not; therefore you have God with you at all times. You may believe otherwise. It is this belief system that creates your so-called problems. If you can bring truth to the presence of these illusions, they will dissolve—just as you know that three plus three equals six is true, and that three plus three equals ten is untrue. By bringing truth to the presence of this arithmetic error, it simply dissolves.

So too will all of your beliefs that create “problems” in your mind dissolve when you bring the higher energy of truth to them. St. Francis of Assisi, in his famous prayer, beseeches us to change our mind to this thought: “Where there is hatred let me sow love.” Light always dissolves darkness. Love always nullifies hate. Spirit always cancels problems. Problems exist as beliefs of your ego mind, which is unable to conceptualize an awareness of your spiritual mind, just as dark has no concept of light.

By actually rewriting your agreement with reality, you can change your mind and send away any perceived problem. Change your attitude toward yourself, and resolve to believe in your connectedness to the higher energy of God, even in the direst of circumstances. Turn anything that seems problematic over to your higher self, trusting that the “problem” is not what is seems to be. Rewrite your agreement about who you are and what you’re capable of achieving.

Your new agreement with reality in which you’ve blended your physical self and your personality with your spiritual God-connected self will begin to radiate a higher energy of love and light. Wherever you go, others will experience the glow of your God consciousness, and disharmony and disorder and all manner of problems simply will not flourish in your presence. Become “an instrument of Thy peace,” as St. Francis desires in the first line of his famous prayer. Move up the ladder of human awareness from the lowest to the highest. Become a mystical being by simply changing your mind from one that created and experienced problems, to one that resolves them.

excerpt from ‘The Shift’ by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. Copyright © 2010 (Hay House).

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Your Purpose Will Find You

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by Dr. Wayne Dyer –
We become what we think about all day long. What thoughts do you have that inhibit you from feeling as if you’re on purpose in your life? For instance, if you think that you’re separate from your pur­pose and that you’re drifting without direction through your life, then that’s precisely what you’ll attract.

Suppose, instead, that you know this is a purposeful universe where your thoughts, emotions, and actions are a part of your free will and are also connected to the power of intention. Suppose that your thoughts of being purposeless and aimless are really a part of your purpose. Just as the thought of losing someone you love makes you love them even more, or an illness makes you treasure your health, suppose that it takes the thought of your unimportance to make you realize your value.

When you’re awake enough to question your purpose and ask how to connect to it, you’re being prodded by the power of inten­tion. The very act of questioning why you’re here is an indication that your thoughts are nudging you to reconnect to the field of intention. What’s the source of your thoughts about your purpose? Why do you want to feel purposeful? Why is a sense of purpose con­sidered the highest attribute of a fully functioning person? The source of thought is an infinite reservoir of energy and intelligence.

In a sense, thoughts about your purpose are really your purpose trying to reconnect to you. That inner beingness knows why you’re here, but your ego prods you to chase after money, prestige, popularity, and sensory pleas­ures and miss the purpose of living. You may feel sated and gain a reputation, but inside there’s that gnawing feeling typified by the old Peggy Lee song “Is That All There Is?”

Focusing on the demands of the ego leaves you feeling unfulfilled. Deep within you, at the level of your being, is what you were intended to become, to accomplish, and to be. In that inner placeless place, you’re con­nected to the power of intention. It will find you.

Make a conscious effort to contact it and listen. Practice being what you are at the source of your soul. Go to your soul level, where intention and pur­pose fit together so perfectly that you achieve the epiphany of sim­ply knowing this is it.