The Great Rescue in Relationships

by Teal Swan –
Inside all of us, is a little bit o’ rescuer!

It is a common pattern for some of us in relationships to be rescuers. It is as if we are on the look out for someone who we can save or rehabilitate. A rescuer often feels a duty or obligation to maintain a relationship as it is even when we are feeling used. A rescuer often makes excuses for someone else’s behavior even when it is self destructive or harmful to us. 
The rescuer, like everyone else, has needs. 
But rescuers don’t feel worthy enough to ask for what they want. Instead, they convince themselves that if they give enough to others the recipient of their giving will clearly appreciate the rescuer so much that the taker will begin to give back to the rescuer, which is what the rescuer secretly wants all along. They want to be loved, nurtured and cared for. 
That is the hope and fantasy of the rescuer. But, because the rescuer has chosen someone who needs rescuing, someone who by definition takes and does not give, the rescuer never gets what he or she really wants, which is to be rescued. There is no such thing as a rescuer that doesn’t want to be rescued.
If we are a classic rescuer, we need to learn to expose our needs and wants to others in a straightforward way. 
As rescuers, we have a difficult time receiving and so it benefits us to examine the resistance we have to receiving and asserting our needs and wants. We can then begin to learn how to receive. Now if you are thinking, “Thank God that isn’t me, I’m definitely not a rescuer”, think again. I’m going to take you a little deeper and show you how most people are rescuers and they don’t even know it.
Attraction is simple. 
It is either there or it is not there and yet it is a much more complicated thing than you have been led to believe. Many things that draw us to a specific person are savory and many are unsavory. But it is to be understood that when we are searching for a mate, we are looking for a match, an equal. We are in fact looking for ourselves in another.
In the big picture, opposites do not actually attract. One could say that the fact that males attract females is evidence that opposites attract. But the male and the female are both human. Humans attract humans, so same attracts same. In many ways it could be argued that duality and non-duality is just a matter of perspective. 
However, as it applies to humans, the way people usually deal with pain is to swing to one extreme style of coping or the other. But the baseline vibration beneath the surface expression is exactly the same.
For example, take two people, both of which have social anxiety. They both want to hide. One hides by becoming a wallflower; the other hides by creating a persona and becoming the class clown. If they fell in love with each other, we could say “opposites attract” but it wouldn’t be accurate because if we look deeper, the vibration inspiring their personalities is exactly the same. It is social anxiety.
Most of the process of attraction is happening on a subconscious level. 
We are looking for the person who mirrors us the very best. This is the way that the universe or collective consciousness ensures the most expansion. Self-actualization is facilitated by our relationships. 
Because of the law of attraction, the universe draws us to the person who mirrors us the best. It feels great when our partner mirrors good feeling things within us, like our caring or our depth or our intellect. But that is not the only vibration that is resident within us. We also have bad feeling things within us as well, like our inability to receive or our self-centeredness or our closed mindedness.
I have yet to meet a person who has not experienced some kind of trauma in their lifetime. 
Even if parents were capable of providing a perfectly loving experience for their children, the very experience of being born into a self that is separate from the whole is traumatizing. So, we have all experienced varying degrees of good feeling things and varying degrees of traumatizing things. These traumatizing experiences cause wounds in us emotionally and mentally and even physically. And sometimes these wounds go unhealed. 
Your number one desire (whether you are conscious of it or not) is to become fully healed. Rather than healed, lets say whole and fully integrated. 
If you are not conscious and aware of these wounds because they happened so long ago, you attract partners who make you aware of those wounds because they mirror them. And by mirroring them, they exacerbate them.
In other words, the people we are inexplicably drawn to have the same wound that we do. And because they have the same wound that we do, it causes a flare up in the wound we both share.
Here’s where the rescuer dynamic comes in. 
On a subconscious level, you have always wanted to heal your wound. But you are unconscious of that wound. And so the only way to see it is to step in front of a mirror. The mirror is your partner. And when you step in front of your partner and recognize the wound, you then start to try to heal the wound in the reflection. 
Thinking subconsciously, “If I can just heal that wound in this other person, I’ll have healed it in myself.” You are insatiably attracted to people who provide you with the opportunity to become aware of and heal that wound, thus becoming a rescuer to that hurt aspect of them and you.
Those of you who have recognized painful patterns in your relationships would benefit by becoming especially aware of this dynamic. 
Chronic painful patterns in relationships suggest that a deep unhealed wound is resident that you keep trying to unconsciously remedy through your relationships. You are trying to love yourself through them.
Take a very objective look at the patterns inherent in what you are attracted to about the people you have been in a relationship with or are in a relationship with. What are you drawn to again and again? Rather than get lost in how any of them were different, begin to look for what they had in common with each other. 
Then ask yourself, “What am I drawn to that keeps causing me problems?”
For example, a woman might have dated a great many men, all of whom were very different at face value. But when she asks herself “What am I drawn to that is common among all of the men I’ve been with?” she might realize that she is attracted to athletes who are loners. She notices that is insatiably attracted to outcasts who are lost with nowhere to belong.
She recognizes that the fact that they are athletes does not cause her pain. But the thing that she is attracted to that is causing her problems is that they are loners. The reason it is causing her pain is because she has found out the hard way that loners are often loners for a reason. They keep people at arms length and are emotionally unavailable. As a result, they make her lonely.
You see, the reality (if this woman was to look deep enough) is that she, herself is lonely. 
Her wound is that she feels like a loner who is lost with nowhere to belong. She is attracting men with her exact same wound. She is subconsciously convinced that if she can get a loner who is lost and doesn’t belong to feel lovingly connected to her and feel like they belong with her, she has solved her own loneliness problem. 
When this woman thinks about the prospect of being with a man who is not lonely and who is not lost and who feels as if he belongs in the life he is living, she feels as if there will be no space for her in his life. She fears that he will only make her feel like she does not fit in and thus feel lonelier and more outcast than she already does. This woman is trying to rescue herself through the men she is with. She is trying to rescue and heal the parts of herself that need healing through him.
We look for others who have the same wound that we have so that we can heal our own wound externally. We are rescuers. But we are trying to vicariously rescue ourselves.
Here’s another example, a man might discover that all the women in his past, though different in many ways, were all very beautiful and were unstable and dark and negative. Also, every one of them wanted desperately to be famous. Which means that they all lacked a sense of significance. He is not caused pain by the fact that they are beautiful. 
The problems arise for him as a result of the fact that they are unstable, dark, negative and attention seeking. The reason it keeps causing him pain is that these common personality traits in the women he has been with always end up making him feel emotionally unstable, hopeless and like he is sinking into a dark space.
You see, the reality (if this man was to look deep enough) is that he, himself is emotionally unstable, dark, negative and lacks a sense of significance. That is his wound. He is attracting women with his exact same wound. He is subconsciously convinced that if he can get an unstable, dark, negative woman who lacks a sense of significance to feel stable, light, happy and self confident, he has healed his own problem. 
When this man thinks about the prospect of being with a woman who is stable, light, happy and self confident, he feels a sense of panic. He feels as if he will be exposed and cannot hide his dysfunction. He also feels like he is ultimately not good enough for her. This man is trying to rescue himself through the women he is with. 
He is trying to rescue and heal the parts of himself that need healing through her.
If your relationships are chronically painful, chances are that what you have in common with your significant other is your wounds. You are trying to save yourselves through each other. And as the other person exacerbates your wounds, you will beg them to solve the problem and make you feel better. But the pain just gets worse. 
The more time you are with them, the bigger the mirror becomes.
I will give you a hint that the thing we most often try to rescue in others is the very deepest pain within ourselves. 
I made a YouTube video a while back called “Find your Negative Imprint, Find your Life Purpose”. We usually try to rescue ourselves by finding people who mirror our negative imprint. So watch that video to get deeper awareness of what you might be trying to rescue in yourself through others.
Once we become aware of this pattern, we can go to work on the real issue… the wound within ourselves. 
For example, the woman in the previous scenario can take steps to feel less lonely and begin to let love in. She can also choose different partners who do not up the chances of her ending up lonely within a relationship.
The man in the previous scenario can change his life in ways that cause him to feel stable. He can work on cultivating positivity and building his self-confidence to the degree that he feels his own significance.
Awareness
Awareness causes integration and healing to occur spontaneously so sometimes awareness of the wound within you is all it takes to stop being attracted to people who mirror that wound. 
So now, all that’s left to do is to ask you a question… 

What is within you that is in need of rescue?

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The Shadow Side of Manifesting

by Teal Swan –

You know the upsides to creating your own reality but do you know the potential pitfalls? A great many of my teachings are about how the mind creates the reality you live in. I teach people how to create their own reality. Many spiritual teachers do. The benefits of doing that are obvious. I’ve spoken about it in many videos and seminars and workshops but what I want to talk to you about today is the shadow side of manifestation, the shadow side of “create your own reality”. 
I want to outline some common pitfalls that we might unintentionally tumble into once we have committed to the path of manifestation. Keep in mind that there is a lot of nuance in spiritual practice.
1.) The first pitfall is that once we find out that we can make whatever we want to be true, become true for us, we will actually make true whatever we want to be true for us. 
We enter lala land. That may not at face value sound like such a bad thing. But take a look at the downside to this, if we have not fully questioned WHY we want something to be true, or WHY we want something to happen for us, we could be manifesting directly from our suppressed shadow side.
For example, one woman who was an avid manifestation practitioner, but who was also an environmentalist, started dating a man who was an off-roading enthusiast. She loved this man, but the thing that was preventing her from being close to him was that he did not seem to care about harming the environment. He was not open to changing his principal past time so she was in an existential crisis. She decided that to be with him, she needed to have an open mind to off-roading. So she went with him on an off-roading trip. On the trip, they ended up killing a small sapling that was in the middle of one of their steepest routes and they ended up driving over some cryptogamic soil. 
She was thrown into a guilt spiral. She wanted desperately to be free of guilt. So she began to subconsciously and also consciously manifest proof that what she did wasn’t all that bad. Sure enough, she was a match to a meditation experience where she saw that death must occur for anything that is created and that the destruction of the environment was inevitable because it was created. She began to see proof that by adding to destruction, she was clearing the path for new creation and that death could not be wrong so inherently, killing cannot be wrong either. She was right. That is one perspective about destruction. But it is not the only perspective. It is not the only truth. And it is certainly not the full objective truth. She decided to invest further in the past time of off-roading in order to be close to her boyfriend.
Did any of that feel off to you? If the answer is yes, here’s why… You can manifest whatever you want to be true. She wanted it to be true that what she did wasn’t a bad thing. So she manifested proof of it. But the thing to consider is why did she want it to be true? Because A) she wanted to not feel guilty and B) she wanted to be close to her boyfriend. Instead of asking for those two things directly from the universe, she began to manifest justification for something being right that she in fact knew felt wrong to her. She was unaware completely of the shadow aspect behind why she wanted it to be ok to go off-roading.
The shadow aspect must be COMPLETELY unveiled for a manifestation to actually be completely in alignment. A serial killer can convince himself that by killing women, he is keeping them safe from an even worse fate. He will be able to argue that this is true. He will make it true for himself. But does that make it objectively true? More importantly, is it healthy or in alignment for him to make that thing he wants to have be true, actually be true in his own reality?
Being able to convince yourself of anything is only as good a mental tool as it does. In order to really create well, you need to come out of denial and use the shadow to enhance the light. Use the awareness of what is unwanted to design your perfect life and move towards that instead of trying to change the unwanted into wanted.
We need to question why we want to manifest the reality we want to manifest, especially the shadow reasons. This is how to avoid becoming a serial killer who can justify killing people because in his reality, he is keeping them safe.
2.) The second pitfall is that often when we practice manifestation, we begin to disbelieve in objective truths that we don’t want to have be true for us. We go into a state of denial. 
For example, many of us don’t want to believe in danger. But danger exists for people on earth. We may not want to believe that children are sold as sex slaves but they are. We don’t want to believe that there is radiation in the ocean, but there is. We don’t want to believe that the holocaust happened but it did. We don’t want to believe that corporations sway the government, but they do. There’s a great many things that exist on earth that are real and objectively true that people don’t want to include in their subjective reality.
Is there an objective truth outside of subjective truth? Yes. Everyone and everything’s subjective truth combined into one big picture is objective truth. To be aware and enlightened, we need to remain open to seeing that truth. Regardless of how tempting it may be, you cannot progress on the spiritual path and live your life inside a bubble reality made for only one. It is a disconnection.
We live in a consensus reality. Even though we absolutely can create a reality that is separate from everyone else’s reality, we came here to this consensus reality to co-create, not exempt ourselves from the co-creation. Why might I say the opposite to someone who is in a state of victimization and why might you hear me contradict this last statement while talking to someone in the future by telling them to “create your own reality without caring what is objectively true?” I might do that because they are currently thinking they have no hand in creating reality. They are powerless. But that is not where the truth ends.
Ask yourself these questions:
  • Is it a virtue to disconnect from the consensus reality to the degree that you are not even experiencing the same things as anyone else? 
  • How do we maintain a view of objective reality while living in our own subjective realities? 

Last week, I was over at someone’s house and I saw multiple low vibrational beings there, feeding off of someone’s energy field. But the owner of the house is a positive focus junkie who is unaware of the suppressed shadow aspects of himself. Because of his ‘everything is awesome’ vibration, he could not perceive them. The fact that he couldn’t perceive them does not mean that they weren’t there. It just means that he could not perceive them being there.
You could ask why it is important to see what is there if it is unpleasant. I will tell you that awareness is the answer. Consciousness is the answer. When we discovered enlightenment and discovered how to create our own reality and started teaching it to each other, we did not mean create your own reality by willingly becoming ignorant. I will tell you that it is important to open up and become aware enough to see all of what is there, the FULL picture. Not just half of the picture. Not just the light half and not just the dark half. What causes many of us pain is that our eyes are closed to the light half. Not that they see the dark half. Likewise, what causes many of us pain is that our eyes are closed to the dark half, not that we see the light half.
We need to expand on the idea that ‘create your own reality’ can lead us into the pitfall of denial. Mankind is one of the species on earth that is the most objectively self-aware. This has its upsides and it’s downsides. One upside is, with such a strong sense of “self”, enlightenment is often realized in human form. One down side is, with such a strong sense of self, there is strong motivation to have a positive sense of self and world, this means anything about the self or world that is perceived as negative is often denied.
The human consciousness becomes unaware of what is negative because the human consciousness has developed many beliefs which have made negative not ok. When we make something “not ok” we cannot admit to its existence. We must think we are good to such a degree that we cannot open up our vision wide enough to recognize aspects of ourselves that are out of alignment.
Denial prevents us from moving forward as a species because we cannot even admit to what there is to transform. Denial is so much a part of the human consciousness since our species gained the ability to objectively conceptualize of identity, that denial is now a self-preservation function of the human brain. Denial is a defense mechanism. It is fascinating to me (when I am not directly suffering because of it) that human consciousness tries to protect itself from itself.
Why are we unable to admit to an obvious truth we see? 
I suppose I should say, why, (when we are in denial) is obvious truth not obvious to us? Denial allows the ego to protect itself from things that the ego is convinced it cannot cope with. For example, if we are attached to the idea of being the best mother, we usually develop extreme resistance to the idea of not being a good mother. We feel as if we cannot cope with the possibility that we are not a good mother. This is where denial kicks in. The ego protects you from objectively seeing yourself because of the potential of pain. It sweeps the times you were a “bad mother” under the rug and only allows you to selectively remember the times when you were a “good mother”.
You have stopped seeing the truth of yourself objectively. Your reality now consists only of what you want to believe. You have whitewashed over everything unsightly. A great many manifestation experts would tell you “good because your reality should only consist of what you want to believe is true”. I do not agree. I think your reality should consist of things you want to make true for yourself and beliefs that work for you whilst being acutely aware that other equal truths do exist in this world.
Many of our spiritual practices are in fact not spiritual practices, they are excuses not to see or feel certain things that down deep we are afraid exist or are true. We call this spiritual bypassing, which is the next pitfall. Selective focus for the purpose of manifestation is not the same thing as denial. But selective focus for the purpose of manifestation serves as a very good excuse to go into a state of denial. You do not have to deny something to validate something else.
Denial is not only about flat out rejection of an evident truth. It is also about minimizing the importance of something that is already evidently true in your reality. If we are bypassing by denying or suppressing something, it means we are resisting something. So by encouraging someone to bypass, deny or suppress, we encourage them to resist. We need to allow and explore whatever we feel the need to deny, even if it is just a possibility. The longer we are in denial, the harder it is to come out of it. It is possible to positively focus on something without denying the negative.
The rule of thumb is that if we have extreme resistance to the idea of something being true, we are probably in denial about something. And the more committed we are to AVOIDING our painful emotions, the more in denial we will be. We need to practice non-aversion.
A very common thing to see in the manifestation community is people putting a positive spin on everything. While doing that can help you to see the full picture and discover the more objective truth behind what happened to us (and thus not get stuck in negativity), positive focus should not be used to avoid or whitewash over the negative side of the picture. 
When we do this, we are using positive focus as an analgesic. This is symptom relief, not real and lasting change. Our car broke down because we were supposed to see the pretty sunrise. We are proud that our friend stabbed us in the back because she was getting her suppressed anger out. Our mother was a good mom to have because her addictions helped us to find out who we really are. We ignored our own intuition about going somewhere dangerous because we were the hero that was meant to ward off the bad guy. 
There is a very big difference between creating the kind of world we would prefer (which involves admitting to the full truth of how the world is currently for us) and covering a murder scene with yellow paint so it does not feel so bad. Are you manifesting an improved world for yourself and others? Or are you manifesting yellow paint?
3.) The third pitfall is spiritual bypassing. 
Spiritual bypassing is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs. Never has a spiritual belief system been invented that opens the door to spiritual bypassing wider than ‘you create your own reality’. Rather than go on a spiritual bypassing tangent, I will simply suggest that you watch my You Tube video titled “spiritual bypassing”.
4.) The fourth pitfall is that Manifestation allows you to step into a judgmental state. 
A state that is void of empathy and compassion because you have convinced yourself that people bring painful experiences onto themselves. 
I’m not going to go easy on this one. How many times have you heard the following… “They brought on their cancer. They are choosing to be depressed and focus negatively. They created poverty. They could just as easily change their mind and create something different”. 
It is easy to convince yourself that people either want to experience the painful things they are experiencing, or that they are ignorant to creating their own reality and that’s why they are experiencing painful things. This is a disconnection in and of itself from others. And a kind of piousness. Just because someone was a match to cancer because of thoughts or childhood pain, doesn’t mean they deserve the cancer and doesn’t mean that the cancer is not real. It also does not mean that they are deliberately consciously choosing it.
Much of what occurs in people occurs subconsciously and to act like it is just a matter of attachment to pain or stubbornness or ignorance that makes someone create negative experiences in their reality, makes it feel terrible to spend time around you. Just because you know that you can create your own subjective reality that feels good to you all the time, does not mean that others (who do not currently know that or who have not perfected that art) are less evolved or less spiritual or are choosing to be attached to their pain and egos. In other words, the fourth pitfall is the risk of invalidating people, trivializing people’s experiences and loosing compassion by becoming an egotistical and holier than thou manifester.
5.) The fifth pitfall of manifestation is the avoidance of negativity. 
Once people learn that they create their own reality, the very next step people take is to avoid all things negative. You can’t think it if it’s negative, you can’t look at it if it’s negative, you can’t acknowledge it if it’s negative, you can’t do it if it’s negative or else you will create negative things in your reality. When we teach people to use their emotional guidance system by following their joy, people do set themselves free to create the reality that they envision. But the trap of this particular path is that all other emotions become “unacceptable” and one runs from unacceptable feelings.
Denial keeps these unacceptable feelings out of one’s consciousness. While our emotions are a guidance system, they are absolutely not guiding us to avoid all things negative. Suppression and denial of the negative abounds as a result of create your own reality. We avoid our entire shadow side. You don’t need me to tell you just how dangerous that is. Suppression and denial will do nothing but make your shadow larger and make it manifest even more intensely externally, regardless of how aware or unaware you may be of those manifestations.
6.) The sixth pitfall is that critical thinking (not to be confused with criticism) goes right out the window. 
The baby goes out with the bathwater. Critical thinking is the act of awakening the intellect to the study of itself. It is an open-minded stance. Critical thinking allows us to see multiple viewpoints before deciding what is actually in alignment to manifest. Many manifestation gurus are directly opposed to critical thinking. But the reason they are opposed to it is because you can and will manifest proof for anything you believe and then call it reasonable proof or reasonable thinking.
But I happen to be of the opinion that our capacity for critical thinking actually makes us better at manifesting. It means we can develop awareness of all viewpoints before deciding a course of action in terms of creation. The more information we have, the better decisions we make. The more awareness we have, the better chance that our manifestations will be in alignment manifestations instead of out of alignment manifestations.
7.) The seventh pitfall is never being able to access the present moment. 
If we are always focused on creation, we are never in a state of stillness and peace. We never really truly experience the now-ness of life or how the now-ness of life feels. We are never really present with ourselves. When we are using the unwanted to move towards the wanted, we are in a state of perpetual movement, always after the next best thing. This can be a kind of suffering in and of itself.
It also makes it so you cannot fully be present with someone else unconditionally as they are right here and now so it can be a barrier to intimacy. If we are living only for what is coming and if we are living in our own LaLa land, we cannot really connect with other people. We can potentially even manifest a reality where we cannot really relate to them and they cannot really relate to us.
We need to practice present moment mindfulness and embracing what is, along with manifestation. We need to stop using manifestation to avoid the current state of ourselves and instead join ourselves in the now with our own unconditional presence. If you are interested in expanding on this concept, I suggest watching my YouTube videos titled Spirituality 2.0 and Spirituality 3.0.
Even the most exquisite spiritual methodologies can become traps of unconsciousness. You are practicing the art of manifestation. It is a practice that is full of nuances and complimentary contradictories. As frustrating as it is to navigate that minefield with no real solid truth to hold on to, it is an art form that brings you back to the awareness of being the infinite creator and teaches you to sculpt reality itself.
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Metaphysics and Limited Beliefs

UNDERSTANDING METAPHYSICS FOR LIMITING BELIEFS
by Michelle Williams (Michee)-
Self-esteem, limiting beliefs, inner peace, self-improvement, spirituality
Truth is even more spectacular when it is expressed in the form of science, now Truth becomes beautiful and perfect!
As we discovered previously Creation is the sub total of energy vibrating at different frequencies. When there are two frequencies in close proximity, the lower frequency will always rise to meet the higher.
It is known as the Principle of Resonance and we can see it in the process of tuning a piano for example. The tuning fork has a higher frequency than the piano strings so when struck and brought close to the corresponding piano string, the string automatically raises its vibration and attunes itself to the same rate at which the fork is vibrating.
Lower Frequency automatically aligns to the Higher Frequency.
This is a very powerful concept which you can practice in your own life.
Click here to read more on the Science/Mind relationship.
Mind Over Matter For a Better Life

When atoms slow down as we have earlier discussed, a more dense matter is produced. It is sometimes called third dimensional matter.

When molecules in your body increase speed to a  higher frequency through thoughts of love,  joy,  happiness,  gratitude  etc, the higher dimensions of consciousness can be reached. When consciousness is raised to the highest levels, the realms of Spirit can be attained.
The road to creating the world you desire sounds pretty easy then if all you have to do is think loving thoughts right?
It certainly can be but for most, they are plagued with negative and limiting beliefs buried deep within. Without realising they become the intrinsic thought pattern which define your behaviour, choices, outlook, experiences and life itself.
What is a limiting belief?
Self-esteem, limiting beliefs, inner peace, self-improvement, spirituality
Limiting beliefs are the beliefs you hold to be true about who you are  which  limit  the development  of  your physical, emotional, financial, intellectual and spiritual  potential.They are a thousand times stronger and more compelling than your dreams and desires and reside deep within the crevices of your mind.
Limited beliefs are usually imposed on you from the very first day you enter the world, then systematically throughout childhood, sometimes unintentionally but often times very deliberately. They are sometimes the offspring of your parents own self-perception, which they consciously or subconsciously pass onto you.

The modern and demanding world we live in also plays a huge role in perpetuating limiting beliefs and has a major influence on what you think about yourself.

Even when your life is happy and full and all seems to be well, limited beliefs can raise its ugly head in the face of adversity, a new challenge or relationship or change to your familiar environment.

Where do limiting beliefs show up?
Limiting beliefs show up when:
  • You wake up one morning after 12 years in an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship, you look in the mirror as you get ready for work and say to yourself ‘even if I left this guy, I am so fat and ugly nobody else would even look at me’.
  • You are stuck in the same job that you’ve hated with a passion for 6 years but are too afraid to leave because you are plagued with thoughts of ‘I am way too stupid to go back to school and get a new qualification in the field I would truly enjoy’.
  • You have spent months and months developing a new piece of software that you know will take the technological world by storm.  You apply for a small business loan but remember your father who lost everything when he launched his business and never quite recovered. Thoughts of ‘best stick to what I know, failures are bad’ makes you instantly disregard the loan.
  • Your self-esteem is so low that being in an abusive relationship is less painful that being alone.
  • You cannot pay your bills, your car has just been repossessed and the refrigerator is empty, you are totally broke and wonder why you always end up in this kind of mess!
The suggestion of changing your thoughts to loving thoughts as a strategy towards happiness and success is only one part of the puzzle.
Developing You is Part Two
Self-esteem, limiting beliefs, inner peace, self-improvement, spirituality
By developing a deep, loving and unconditional relationship with the many aspect of your being, you begin to explore and enjoy the real you. You will instinctively begin to align yourself with the energies that bring forth balance and harmony.
The falsely imposed layers that surrounded you for such a long time can now be stripped away to reveal your True and beautiful nature.
Your new gained knowledge of the mind will help you identify limiting beliefs that may be buried deep within your subconscious mindNegative and destructive thoughts that no longer serve you can now be banished by changing the frequency because you know you have the power within to do so.
Identifying limiting beliefs and understanding their expression as your thoughts and behaviour is key to eliminating them from your life. When limiting beliefs no longer control or define who you are, you consciously make way for the abundant flow of all good things.
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How to See Problems as Opportunities

by Jason Demakis –

Life throws us curve balls all the time; it’s the nature of the game. How we choose to interpret these events (and how we define and label them on our personal scale of severity) is going to have a huge impact not only on our experience of perceived problems – but our ability to effectively work through them.
How this works is that our perceptions tend to break down into two main categories: problems as obstacles, and problems as opportunities. Let’s explore both in detail and extract as much personal empowerment as possible, shall we?
Problems as Obstacles
  • Why can’t I find a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
  • Why does making money have to be so hard?
  • How am I ever supposed to get out of debt when I’m barely able to pay my bills NOW?
  • Why do other people have so much more time and money than I do?
  • I’m sick of being alone! Why does finding someone need to be so hard?
  • Why do I have to be so overweight? 
  • Why is eating right so hard? Why can’t it be easier?
The above examples clearly represent the “problems as obstacles” paradigm. Every little thing that pops up in life becomes a nuisance. Anything out of the ordinary routine is perceived as a threat to your comfortability, and viewed as an annoyance. This in itself can lead to an eventual trap that’s very subtle, yet very real.
First, you’ll find your life becoming flooded with problems which aren’t easily solvable. This overwhelm will naturally lead you to indulge in escapism activities in order to cope and you’ll get all the “you’re living incongruently” signals from within yourself. Your mood will decrease, your apathy will increase and your motivation for progress and serious self-fulfillment will dwindle. Stress and anxiety will be your modus operandi.
Second, you might experience withdrawal instead of escapism. You’ll reduce your presence in certain areas in order to reduce the number of problems you’ll have to face. People tend to justify this type of move by labeling it something like “minimalism”. They’ll live alone and/or have very few friends (not that any of that is bad on its own!), favor work that’s easy and never really challenge themselves too much. No matter what is done, removed and avoided, however – problems still continue to arise.
Notice how each line references the situation as not only being difficult but with the expectation that a simpler solution should be immediately available. Guess what? Said solution isn’t usually available. This is what most people trapped in this way of thinking will keep searching for…and it’s the source of the very trap itself.
This is because you can’t solve your problem(s) from that level of thinking.
If you want to solve your problems – and solve them in any sort of long-term, beneficial way – you need to begin approaching them from the opposite end of the spectrum. This is because the opposite end of said spectrum is where obstacle transforms into opportunity,and the answers you seek will become clear as day for you.
Problems as Opportunities
Now let’s shift our focus to the opposite paradigm:
  • Problems don’t exist in order to beat you down, causing strife, anxiety and overwhelm.
  • They exist to help you grow stronger, more intelligent and more fulfilled.
Whenever you reach a problem experience in your life, it can be tempting to immediately assume that the entire point is to find the solution. Once you reach the solution, all is well and you’re off on your own again. Getting past the problem becomes the goal. This in itself is a very limiting perspective to hold, however.
A more empowering perspective is to consider that the activity of solving the problem(s) itself/themselves is what actually matters. The activity of problem solving – not the solution state itself – is what actually helps us grow and become empowered individuals.
Imagine for a moment that you’ve won the lottery. All of your money issues as they appear at present are solved. No more worry about paying bills, no more stress over unexpected expenses, and you can finally plan that lavish vacation you’ve always wanted. Several months down the road however, you find yourself completely broke and deep in debt. What happened?
If you were never good with balancing money to begin with – it doesn’t matter how much of it you acquire; you’ll find a way to spend, lose or waste it all. You didn’t solve the initial problem of increasing your inner strength and relationship to wealth, so your results suffered for it. You had piles of cash and still found a way to end up in a disadvantageous position.
Now imagine someone who has built a company from the ground up, paid their dues with years of experience and both failed and succeeded financially. This person probably has less money than you did when you won the lottery and yet they are able to keep making more and more money through their initial resources than you are – even when you were in your most advantageous financial position.
Why is that?
It’s because the second person solved their problems in regards to wealth by viewing them as opportunities, where as you viewed wealth as a problem that needed to be overcome. More accurately, you viewed scarcity/poverty thinking as a problem, with the solution being external wealth. 
Without correcting and balancing the inner portion of this problem, the external can’t follow suit. 
When you got your hands on some serious cash – and didn’t have a grip on problem solving – financial bankruptcy and debt are the natural (and expected) consequences.
If you went through the same learning process as the second wealthy person, you’d have a very different relationship to money and wealth. You’d view it as an opportunity because you’d eventually see and understand on a deep intrinsic level that resisting wealth from the position of obstacle is a fool’s errand. Eventually you’d no longer fear going broke, because you understand exactly how to generate money. It’s no longer an obstacle; it’s now an opportunity.
This is a very subtle yet powerful internal shift that can mean the difference between a peasant and a millionaire. 
Intelligence often has less to do with financial success than the individual’s perception of the issues in front of them. Inner knowledge, strength, skill, and confidence are the true rewards of moving through problems. These are the very rewards which allow us to summon and generate the types of results which allow us to avoid the very problems that got us here in the first place.
Overcoming The Initial Overwhelm
When you begin living consciously, and start moving from problems as obstacles to problems as opportunities, it can indeed initially be somewhat overwhelming. 
You’ll start to see all of the things you’ve been avoiding staring you right in the face, all at once. This is your first true test; recognize that these aren’t problems anymore. They’re opportunities for you to make yourself stronger, so you’ll never have to experience this disempowered state ever again.
Debt, a lousy job, a stale relationship, lack of purpose, out of shape, etc; these are all individual opportunities for you to achieve growth and strength in different areas of your life. Start with the lightest of the issues, just as you’d start with the lightest of weights in the gym. Train up to the heavier stuff. You’ll be surprised how quickly you move toward heavier weights once you really start building momentum.
If you don’t know which situation is the easiest (i.e. they all look overwhelming), just pick one and start there. Simply by taking action, you’ll increase your confidence to overcome these things. You must be bigger than your situation could ever hope to be. 
This is the secret to transforming perceived obstacles into opportunities.
Facing these opportunities builds inner strength exactly like the gym builds physical strength. The more you perform this activity, the more you’ll grow. The stronger you’ll become. The easier this process will eventually be.
Problem solving also increases your resourcefulness. The more problems you get experience with solving, the better you’ll become at solving future problems. It’s a wonderful self-reinforcing mechanism, isn’t it? 😉
When you start viewing your problems as opportunities instead of obstacles, you develop a positive and constructive attitude toward life situations in general. All of this solution-training will make you smarter and stronger in the long run. 
Be grateful for your ‘problems’; they’re your best and most fruitful teachers in disguise.
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The Language of Your Reality

by Jennifer Hoffman

We all have conversations with ourselves, most of them occurring within the privacy of our thoughts. During these conversations we make decisions, argue, criticize, judge and determine the course of every aspect of our lives and this creates our reality as well as determines how others will connect with and relate to us.

This inner dialogue plays an important part in our lives and unfortunately, it is mostly negative. We often don’t need someone in our lives to be mean to, criticize and judge us; we do a good job of that ourselves. And we can talk ourselves out of a situation before we even allow it to unfold.

This inner dialogue can follow one of two paths: 

It can be static, keeping us in the same, old, negative mindset, pushing us down as soon as we try to get up or it can be dynamic, expansive, moving us forward and acting as a positive, uplifting force in our lives.

If our inner dialogue is static, it reflects our fears and doubts. 

For example, when you look in the mirror, do you say ‘I look great today.’ Or do you say ‘I’m overweight, look old, I hate my hair, could use a new face’, etc.? This static dialogue keeps us stuck in the same old patterns of thinking and behaving. And in order to move ourselves out of it we must change the way we talk to ourselves, then that will be reflected in the way others talk to and about us.

Even though our inner dialogue is mostly private, it has an energy of its own that others pick up on. Have you noticed that if you don’t feel good about your appearance, someone will make a remark to that effect? They’re picking up on the negative energy that you are generating from your static inner dialogue.

When our inner dialogue is dynamic, it takes our fears and doubts into consideration and then moves on anyway. 

A dynamic inner dialogue would find one good thing about your appearance, no matter how small, and focus on that. Yes, you may be overweight but you have a great smile, for example or you dress well, you are kind, have great hair or always have something nice to say to everyone.

When our inner dialogue is dynamic it creates positive energy around us so that others must respond to us in a positive way. Dynamic inner dialogue creates the energy that we need to make changes in our lives.

What is the difference between the two? 

Imagine going on a job interview and you really want the job. You are sitting in front of the hiring manager, saying all of the right things, wearing the right clothes, but your inner dialogue is saying ‘I know I’m not going to get this job.’ What do you think the interviewer is picking up on that she will use in making the hiring decision?

This is what happens when you are trying to make positive external changes and your inner dialogue is static, or negative. It’s like trying to drive a car with one foot on the gas pedal and one foot on the brake pedal. You alternate between moving forward and stopping and not getting anywhere easily, quickly, or gracefully.

The focus of our inner dialogue determines the course of our lives so we need to ensure that it is positive and dynamic, reaffirming our worth, value and perfection, staying away from criticism, judgment and negativity.

Each time a fear comes up, acknowledge it-you know it’s there so don’t try to hide or ignore it. Then find a way to change it from static to dynamic so that you can move forward through it and create what you want in your life.

Once your inner dialogue is dynamic, the outer you will radiate self-confidence and joy and you will attract people, experiences and situations that mirror the positive energy you are creating around you. 

This week, review your inner dialogue. Is it static or dynamic, critical or loving? Don’t judge yourself, just change the negative, judgmental, critical dialogue to one that is positive, self-affirming and loving and watch how that change is reflected in your life and in how others relate to you.

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