by Lillian Moritz –
Even in the best of times, life can be challenging. Sometimes failing health or loss of a job may be at the root of our concerns. Other times it may be smaller things, such as feeling left out, being criticized or feeling judged by others, that send us for a loop. And that’s the focus of this piece.
Disapproval may feel uncomfortable but it can also be instructive and helpful. When someone reacts negatively to you or doesn’t respond at all, it may actually be their issue and have nothing at all to do with you.
If you receive a criticism that is valid, this is an excellent learning experience and opportunity for you. It offers the chance to see things you may not have been aware of before, from which you can learn. I’ve found that the most painful criticism is often self-inflicted and usually off base. Becoming more aware of these kinds of situations early on can help you nip them in the bud, so to speak.
This allows you to stop the downward emotional spiral before it gets into full gear.
An important part of our natural maturation process is a gradual shift in our sense of ‘self’ from a perspective that is based on what others think or say about us, to a self-image that is based on our inner values and personal awareness of who we are at the deepest level of our being. Another way to perceive this inner sense of self is to think in terms of our soul essence, rather than just our human-personality self.
As we gradually deepen the inner relationship with our soul essence, we become less vulnerable to criticism directed toward us from others. However, there is still value in this external feedback, as we strive to become more the person that we want to be – in alignment with and an expression of our pure soul essence, or essence self.
There is no shame in criticism that is directed at you by others or even by yourself. Both present opportunities for awareness, insight and growth. Self-criticism provides a unique opportunity to forgive yourself, get over old programming and become more self-accepting and self-loving.
Just because someone doesn’t acknowledge you in a positive way, or ignores you outright, or disapproves of you in some way, doesn’t mean you’re at fault, much less a failure. Other people’s biases are often reflected in their actions and judgments, and that is fine. Everyone is entitled to their point of view and belief. It doesn’t make it right or mean it’s an accurate assessment.
Even a series of events where you are not acknowledged – involving different people – doesn’t equate to your being less good, less valuable, less lovable or less cherished. Think of the millions of things you’ve done well, beautifully in fact or ‘above and beyond the call of duty.’ Do you uphold and value these positive examples of yourself anywhere as close to the few blips on your personal radar? Probably not. Isn’t it time to look at the true and accurate balance sheet that mirrors the beautiful person you are?
Your worth is evident to yourself and others but others can’t really judge your true value. Rather, they can only provide their opinion of you based on things you say or do – a small sampling of who you really are as expressed by your outward behavior.
Rejection happens to everyone, to one degree or another.
It doesn’t mean there will be a contagion of rejection flowing from a single disappointing experience. Try not to take it to heart. Accept the comments that come to you and see if you resonate with them. Then grow from each and every one of these learning experiences, reflecting on those that don’t fit or apply to you for what they are – opportunities to become more aware and learn from it.
Lack of acknowledgement can be uncomfortable and push your buttons, but this feeling can and will pass. Brush yourself off and move on – doing one of many simple yet effective wellness exercises that will help you raise your vibration and lighten your emotional load. Using any of a number of simple techniques can help you put things in perspective and get back to a place of emotional balance, smoothly and quickly.
A good reminder is to not magnify other people so they become larger than life. Everyone has his or her own issues, biases and blind spots. And we know that nothing stays constant. Others will change, modify and even forget things, just like you.
We’re all human. Bask in the knowledge that you are beautiful, whole and perfect, just as you are!