Our search for love is our desire for instant gratification and material proof that we are worthy and deserving of love versus the willingness to be in a state of knowing that love exists even if we don’t have the physical proof of it in our lives. Physical proof means, among other things, being in a loving, intimate relationship, having people who express their love for us through acceptance and acknowledgement and who let us know, through how they respond to us, that they love us. We have a ‘love agenda’ that clearly defines what love means to us. When others’ behavior and actions do not meet our love agenda we think they are not loving and we are unworthy of love.
There is an element to emotional love that feels temporary, confusing and anxious—does someone really love us, how can we know it will last forever? Every relationship has a temporary aspect to it that we may not want to look at but that we know is there. The person who loves us today could change their mind tomorrow and then we’re without love in our life. So often our desire for love is expressed as a fear of being shown an awful truth we don’t want to consider, that we are truly unlovable.
When we have the fear of being unlovable and unloved, we attract people who mirror that to us.
On a spiritual level they love us more than we can imagine but on the material plane, they have no choice but to mirror our beliefs about love back to us. In a message from Archangel Uriel several years ago I wrote “You will never receive more love from others than you have for yourself.” Of course we love ourselves, or at least some aspects of ourselves, but are we able to know love in the spiritual sense, as in unconditional love, no matter what happens on the physical?
Unconditional love is one of humanity’s greatest challenges because as long as there is one iota of judgment, we are into a conditional expression of love, meaning “if you do this or act this way or say these things then I know you love me and if you don’t, then you do not love me.” We extend that to how we believe ourselves worthy of love if we don’t receive that confirmation. Are we guilty of confusing love, as in unconditional love, with ‘like’? Because they are different energies even though we have lumped together all aspects and expressions of love into an emotional basket, in order to understand the true energy of love we must separate them.
The love we feel is emotional, the love we are is spiritual.
The need for love from others is really a request for approval. Unconditional love involves acceptance but with emotional love that isn’t enough. We want to know that others think we are OK, worthy of being in their emotional love sphere, that they think we are good, beautiful, considerate and amazing enough to give us their love. All we really want, though, is to know that they like us because that is the emotional and material expression of unconditional love.
If we can move beyond our need to be liked, we can explore the possibilities of having unconditional love and then we are in the energy of acceptance, which is completely non-judgment and we are in this sphere because we already are and have all of the love we could even want or need.
Then, rather than approaching others with our hearts in doubt, confusion and fear, we are confident because we know that we are worthy of love and whether or not someone likes us is irrelevant in the face of the love that we already are.