by Gina Lake –
Love is a way of being with others. When we are attentive, curious, and interested in others, love naturally flows to them from inside us. This outward flow of love is the experience of love. This flow of love is not dependent on who or what is in front of us, on what someone is doing, or on whether someone is being loving toward us, but on whether we are fully engaged with and accepting of that person and whatever is happening in the moment. Love is a state of being that is activated by giving attention to something or someone.
Many of us experience an absence or lack of love because we are giving our attention to thoughts about life instead of real life. When we give attention to our thoughts about life, we are loving our mental world, and that mental world isn’t real, and it is very often a negative world, where nothing and no one is ever good enough. When we are invested in this mental world, our conditioned beliefs, judgments, fears, desires, and expectations seem really important, and these are what cause problems in our relationships. We think we need people to be a certain way for us to love them and be happy with them, but that just isn’t true. It just seems true because we tend to choose to love (accept and give attention to) those who look and do things the way we want.
Love is something we have the power to experience because we have the power to give love. When we give love, we experience it; when we withhold it, we don’t. The more we can overcome the judgments and other conditioning that cause us to withhold our love (i.e., our acceptance and attention) from others, the more we will experience love. It is as simple as that, but not necessarily easy to put into practice. We tend to really believe our judgments and other ideas that cause us to close our hearts to others, but we don’t have to. We can say no to the judgments and other conditioning that interfere with love. When we do so, our experience of life is transformed. Love is readily available whenever we turn away from our judgments and negative conditioning and allow ourselves to be fully engaged with and interested in the real person in front of us.