by Gloria Wendroff –
Sometimes you have a sinking feeling in your heart, a let-down bewildered feeling in your heart and you don’t even know where it comes from. You have nothing to tie it to. It is as if the feeling arose from itself, like a weed that suddenly appears on the landscape.
Perhaps this feeling that you may call anxiety is the opposite of what you think. Perhaps you have moved into a new room and you are not yet comfortable in this new room. Or perhaps you are in your old room, yet a chair was removed. At first, you’re not quite sure where to sit down.
Perhaps this vague bewildered feeling is not a sinking of your heart but a lifting of your heart. Perhaps your heart is in transit to a higher place, and there is not yet anything for your fingers to touch or your feet to land on. Perhaps it is a very good thing what you are feeling. Your feet’s touching may just be like an old comfortable chair that you are used to but don’t really require. It’s just that you were used to it.
It is like you are an accomplished piano player. You have been taking advanced lessons and doing very well. Now your teacher moves you forward, perhaps a leap forward and now you have a new song to learn and your fingers have not yet quite found their way on the keys, yet this new song is still a step of progress. Soon enough, your new song will follow all the music you have played and you will feel accomplished once again.
Or perhaps you are walking along,and you trip over a stone in the road. You stumble. Yes, you stumble. At first you notice only your stumbling and how awkward you feel, until you see that it is a huge diamond you have stumbled over. Now the diamond is yours.
Consider that this vague streak of restlessness or lostness that you may on occasion feel is really a fine thing for it heralds great joy for you.
You don’t need discomfort before something wonderful happens, yet sometimes this is the case and you do feel discomfort before something wonderful comes into view. When you do have this discomfort, you can at least know that not all is lost. You can even know that you are doing well. You may have been startled or dismayed, and, yet, even so, you are on the cusp of a great plain of discovery.
You are always getting closer to where you want to be. This is inevitable.
Even when you backtrack, you are getting closer to your destination. Even if it seems you are going the long way around, you are getting closer. Remember this, beloveds. It is not a possibility I speak of. It is a certainty, yet you may be late in knowing. This would not be the first time you were behind in knowing what is really going on.
So, the next time you feel unsteady on your feet or a seeming emptiness in your heart, remind yourself that you are growing.
You are rising higher and higher and even a stumble takes you higher. Remember all the flowers that have been strewn on your path and know there are more to come. You may not have seen them all yet but they are a-blooming. Another step or two and you will see them. The horizon may look far away from you. That’s how horizons look and yet you are getting closer. You are gaining on the horizon. The horizon doesn’t mean to elude you. It is beckoning you forward.